Looking back on this last year, I see it’s been a roller coaster ride. Especially the last few months. Emotionally I was all over the place and it didn’t help that my depression had risen to really drag me out. I wasn’t in a really bad place per say but I found myself looking in my mind’s mirror and really examining myself. I found myself not so much in the usual pain that rises up when my depression decides to peek out but I wasn’t completely numb either. I was just?emotionally?exhausted. I could no longer lie to myself and ignore how worn out I was. I wasn’t taking care of myself emotionally the way I should. I let things build up for too long and it all just dragged me down. This wasn’t a normal depression episode where I could have just withdrawn for a day and it would be fine. This lasted for a few months and I needed time to heal, a lot of time to heal and re-examine my actions and other things.

I can say that I’m in a better place now, much better. It helps to have friends who can understand the situation. Empathy can help with the healing process. I’m still relearning how to breathe. I’m not that same eighteen year old who?broke down?and got stuck in her head for five years. I’m older for one thing, lol. And I’ve learned about myself that I didn’t know. It’s a constant process to learn, relearn and remind myself on ways to deal with my depression. I am not my depression. It is an aspect of me. It doesn’t control me if I don’t let it. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to stop and breathe, take time for me. The world won’t implode but not everyone will understand.

I’ve grown up a lot. I’ve learned a lot. I’m actually happy. Little by little I’m relearning to walk all over again and breathe on my own. I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences to be happier. Without them, these scars I carry on my heart from that breakdown have marked me. I didn?t let the world cave in around me this time I got up and kept going.? Not because I wanted to but because I had to. It?s my life and there are no stunt doubles who will take my place when it all gets too much.

I can say this song helps describe where I?m at now.

For this New Year, I won?t make resolutions. I?ll either forget about them or let them fall by the wayside due to laziness. Instead, I promise myself to take time out for myself ever once in awhile. To work hard and keep pushing myself and my writing and to finally lose my depression weight (which is a challenge cause I love food). I know I can do it. It?s all just like relearning to breathe, slow steps at first but once you get the hang of it, it?s all natural.

Look three blogs in one month, wow! LOL.?A few things, first Changeling Press has contracted my next Dawg Town Story called First Snow which will deal with Robbie and Kitty. *Grin*

My writer’s block is over. Yaaaay, I’m so happy. I’ve also started a new story which I hope to finish soon and have turned into my editor ASAP. Just been dealing with a few things lately. Buut, I will be at the Authors After Dark Convention the 23rd-24th. I hope to see you there. It looks like it’s going to be an awesome gathering.

I’m putting together two bags as prizes. The first one is a pink plaid weekender bag filled with print books, promo and some awesome stuff. The other bag is a beachy/tote bag filled with promo, print books and stuffed animals. *Grin*. Hopefully I can get some cool swag at the Con to give away to you guys.

Now for a Contest that is currently going on. Check out Wick’d Reads for an awesome contest. I’m giving away the Tartan Interlude candle. Go here for the details.

Next Week I’ll have a whole bunch of fabu Guest Bloggers and the theme this week is Urban Fantasy. I hope you’re as excited as I am.

Soon the site will be getting another makeover and I’ll be getting a forum. I’m so excited. Once it’s up and running and everything is as it should be I’ll let you guys know. Squee!

I’ll be posting one or two new polls.

Se

I’m not at this point yet. —->

If that happens its time to break out the chocy and all my fav movies. Anyway, I feel like?my muse is screwing with me. She shows me hot and sexy scenes (a threesome no less!) and then runs away laughing. ?I just don’t have a beginning for my story I have sex scenes! I want a beginning damnit. I want to start at point A, get to point B where they meet and then have them get to point C and maybe D and then The End. I know how they get together, where they meet and how this whole thing happens but what I want is a good beginning and I loathe starting over which is what I seem to be doing as of late. I start a story, go back, redo the beginning and then move on.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been sick for the last month and I’m tired most of the time. And when you’re tired everything you write seems like crap. No natural rhythm. I feel off balance. I want to write not dredge through it. I want to get lost in the story, not growl at the screen, hit backspace and start all over again.

-Whine over-

So here’s a question for the writers.

When your muse throws you a curve ball and shows you the story in bits and pieces do you roll with it or fight to start at the beginning?

Or do you grab your muse, put them in a hammerlock and threaten to flog them until they tell you everything, no details spared.

(I tried threatening my muse with this: http://www.bootyparlor.com/good-girl-bad-girl-whipper-tickler.html she just laughed and bent over. My muse is sick I tell you! Sick…And naughty. )

Se

P.S. Thank You to Teeka, she gave me a good idea. *Grin*

Vampire Nikolai Taranosky knows exactly what’s wrong with Shannon. He’s the reason she’s in Heat. By the waning of the blue moon she’ll definitely be mated — to him — despite what Shannon, her wolf, or anyone else thinks about it.

http://www.loose-id.com/prod-True_Mates__Nikolai_s_Wolf_-897.aspx

My web addys:

www.zenawynn.com

www.myspace.com/zenawynn

www.zenawynn.blogspot.com

Author Bio:

I love to read. I love to read books that can take me out of my ordinary life into an extraordinary reality. I don’t just read. I become. To me, a really well written book is like a mini-vacation., without all the hassles. My greatest hope is that after reading one of my stories, you’ll feel the same.

The mother of three (four if you count Lady, our dog), grandmother of two, when not busy with family or church, I can most likely be found in front of the computer writing or escaping into a book.

At Drogan’s Command out now at Changeling Press

Runaway releasing Monday with Tease.

Pluto’s Offering releasing Monday with Tease

Trapped with Loose-Id on the 23rd

OMG! How did this happen? I still have to do an Encounter for Changeling and a short for Mary and a blog entry for Jess (I didn’t forget, I swear.). Ahhhhhhh! I also have to finish up White Russian for Nik, Justice Unbound for Vampiropolis and Tigris Exposed for Hades’ Helmet Crew. I have several updates to give you guys including reviews and contract news. Right now my brain is mush, so instead I’ll pimp my friend Lex Valentine’s Free story up at Pink Petal Books.

http://www.pinkpetalbooks.com/bookstore/product_info.php?products_id=963

and the two new stories that are up over at Pink Chair Diaries, one by the fabu Tilly Greene (Big Squishy Hugs) and the other by the wonderful Winterheart.

http://pinkchairdiaries.com/2008/12/10/special-delivery/

http://pinkchairdiaries.com/2008/12/12/cougar-christmas/

I’m trying to talk Cynnara to do a BDSM week on the blog and I have to do an Australian week. *Grin*

Okay, gotta go. Hugs all around.

Selena

P.S. Don’t forget to enter the 15 Naughty Nights of Christmas over at Bitten By Books. *Grin* There are some awesome prizes being given out.

How are you? I know, I know, no blogging in how long? It’s been mostly chatting announcements, guests taking over the blog. But I’m back. I was going to do a blog about how dark is too dark as far as erotic romance and BDSM goes, but I’ll save that for another day. Anyway, I just thought I give a peek into my writing world and my personal world.

So my writing world . . .

For the most part, Mudslide (coming to Aspen Mountain Press Nov 14th) was the first story I’d finished in quite awhile. Tartan Mind is at a stand still, my muse isn’t feeling the kilty wolfies, I know! I’m shocked too, the bitch. She instead wants me to focus on fallen angels. *shrugs* So, I started Fallen Lover today, which should make Tuesday happy (will tell you more about that later). And things are going pretty well, 5k out of?15k. Yeah! I’m one third done. I discovered if I turn off the TV (I was watching Basilisk, it wasn’t helping) and put on music it really helped me. Music is fantastic, as I’ve said, for setting the mood for any scene.

Anyway, I got 5k done in one day. For me that’s a lot, since I haven’t been able to do that in such a long time. I’m so happy, overjoyed in fact. I’m writing again and it feels good. Now if people would stop filling my head with ideas *shoots a look over at Stella* I can finish up Tartan Mind and get to work on my next Del Fantasma story. I got a lovely idea while chatting with the fabu Dawn Montgomery (she has a Kitsune story out now at Changeling, ehhh! Kitsune, if you don’t know what it is, look it up). The idea just came to me and I’m so excited about it. Must write it first then sub it to Nik, more demons and maybe, hopefully, *crosses fingers* some hot oral foreplay action.

I love writing oral foreplay, as I said in a past blog. It’s so much fun.

Oral Foreplay, the Se Definition:

Oral Foreplay:

The act of using words to arouse without touching. Think phone sex without the touching yourself part.

What? Don’t give me that look. My fave oral foreplay scene is in Blood Claim: Trapped. *looks around for Morgan’s opinion*. I hope when you guys read it you’ll love it as much as I did.

One of my fav things and this happens a lot is when I get so into the story, the characters just take over. Although the characters normally take over during the sex scenes, hmmm, think they’re trying to tell me something?? Anyway, it’s always fun and surprising.

I’ve got to mention that this week Renato’s Dragon is out, Nov 7th. I’m excited about it. After I finished Discovering Passion, I began to think of the next story and an idea popped into my head for Renato and Magda. Originally Magda was going to be a phoenix but I scrapped that thought and she became what you will read in the story. Now I have?to?finish Aki’s story, unfortunately the characters aren’t cooperating but I’m sure after I use some of Cyn’s suggestions it will work out. Thank You Cyn. *Grin*

I just have to finish the other stories on my plate. I think I’ll get back to Aki’s story early December. Before I get off the subject of writing, I should mention that A Fling in Vampiropolis is up for an award, to vote you can go here (you do have to be a member of the group to vote):

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Romance_erotica_connection/surveys?id=12835875

I’m floored, honestly floored. I didn’t expect that. I went in intending to vote for some wonderful, talented friends of mine and found that surprise. Thank You to whoever nominated that story, I really appreciate it. And Thank You to everyone who voted, it means a lot.

Also, I will be taking over the Changeling Press Reader’s Loop from 6pm-8pm EST on the 5th, the topic Time Travel, so stop by, say hi and get some steamy excerpts from some talented people.

A peek into my personal world . . .

So for the past few months I’ve been fostering eleven kittens (you read right) and three adult cats. The kittens are from two separate litters from the two females out of the three adult?cats. At first it was chaos, the kittens were all over the place but luckily I got help?and a few weeks ago the youngest five kittens from the second litter got a foster home. Then last month the first litter of?now the six month olds?also found?a foster home. And this past Sunday, Mr. Gray, the only adult male, got adopted. *Big Grin*. He is such a sweetie, he’s like a dog in cat form. I’m so happy he got a home.

I’m going to miss him but I know he’s got a home and will be loved. Now all I need is the other two adults to be adopted and then the kittens. I know, I don’t have the kittens anymore but I still worry. The first litter was born in the back of my house, on or a little after Mother’s Day. I still remember them as tiny squirming cuties who hadn’t opened their eyes yet. I still remember the day that Regal, the last of the first litter, purred for me instead of trying to run away or bite me or scratch me.

Yeah, I’m attached but not so much that I want to keep them. I have a cat and she’s happy being my only cat. So that’s a no on adopting another cat. LOL. Hmm, think she’d be okay with a snake? I saw the cutest little ball python at Pet Co. on Saturday, then there was a really cool one that was orange with red eyes, I think he got adopted though. What? I like snakes and bats. Can a person have a bat as a pet? Hey those things are useful, summer time comes let him loose in the backyard, lowers the population of mosquitoes. No bug bites.?I want to build bat boxes. Gotta find time, if I do get the chance pray that I don’t injure myself.

Now you’ve gotten a peek into my?world and my weirdness, scared? LOL

My creative world . . .

So I’m trying to figure out what candle to do next, I still need to do one for Tartan Interlude (I already know what that candle should look like and the scent.), Dravian’s Seer ( I have an idea that involves the words shiny and silver and I know the scent I want), then there’s Renato’s Dragon (Another one I have an idea for and I know the scent). What I’m really drawn to is doing one for Mudslide, I have an idea and I’m pretty sure the fabu JFay can make it smell like a?Mudslide (If I react to the scent like I do to Sparkling Mimosa, you guys may not be getting this candle either, what? Sparkling Mimosa smells yummy!). I just have to figure out how to describe what I want. Just talked to JFay and she gave me a brilliant idea for the Mudslide candle, so that’s the next one to come out.

Contests:

I’m involved with the Bitten by Books Carnival for more info go here:

http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=1752

Also, I’m involved with Blood Kissmas (cool name yes?) contest.?For more info check out:

http://www.myspace.com/bloodykissmas

Okay that’s it for me, its Tuesday and today I get to vote. Also, on the 5th the wonderful Alyssa Brooks takes over my blog. *Grin* Please do stop by and comment. Hugs all around.

Selena

Books:

Tartan Surprise is out which I’m so excited about, next up is Discovering Passion, in August ’08, which is Lida’ story from A Fling in Vampiropolis. I’ll get the exact date to you as soon as I get it.

In June I subbed a total of five books, three to CP and two to Tease and on July 1st I subbed a book to a new pub. I’m hoping they like it. I was really nervous about query letter and synopsis. I can write a book but blurbs, synopsis and query letters stress me out. But hey, they’re a part of the process.

For the last month or so I’ve been either tired, working my ass off to finish a book or suffering from writer’s block. Up until now, I haven’t written anything for a week which frustrated me a lot. But I finally managed to work on a story that I’m aiming to finish by Friday of this coming week. So far I’ve got 8k+ on it. It’s a ghost story, I’ve never done a ghost story before so this is all new to me. I hope I get it right.

My aim is to finish several stories by the end of the summer and subbing to at least two to three more new pubs. I know, a lot of work but at the end of the day, it’s worth it. I’m also working on making my Free stories downloadable, not the Friday Flash series though, not until that’s done. That’s about it on the writing front

Lori Foster’s Get Together:

I had fun at this event. It was so nice meeting so many people and seeing some people I had me at RT. The highlight seeing my twin from another mother, Ce! We were good I swear *shoots look over at Dawn*. Tell them Ce, we were well behaved.

I have to say Hi to Lena, Liz (good to see you again), Joy (you are awesome), Maggie, Kelly, Bianca (B!), Jacki (as always, you are fabulous), Maya, Marty, Tuesday (I’ll call you I swear. You are behaving right? lol), Laura K., Kelley, Jackie, Sierra (Big Hugs), Teeka (Teeka!), Kate, Camille, Flash, Renee, Shiloh, Rhonda aka SandDaz (sorry for the awkwardness), Anya, Ali and Aneka. If I forgot you, I’m soooo sorry, please feel free to yell at me later.

I loved the conference and had so much fun. Ce, Tuesday we sooo have to do an antho together. *grin* Tuesday, stop looking at me like that, you know you want to0, mwhahahaha! I definitely want to go next year. I also want to go RT next year as well. Shar, Ce you ready for that? I know I left a lot out but I can’t really remember everything. *sigh*

Birthday:

Well, I turned 27 this year. Yeah! My birthday started early when the fabulous Crystal Green/Chris Marie Green (she’s going to be at Comic Con and the RWA conference, I soos wish I was going), sent me a signed copy of Midnight Reign. I was in absolute shock. She is so awesome. I got a Birthday Card from Savannah (Big Hugs, babes). A lovely bag of chips from Tilly , (yum). *Grin* And yesterday, although late, I got flowers from Shar. She told me to expect a few more things. Goodness!

I pretty much spent the day wading through email, promoing Tartan Surprise and doing the chat over at ARe. *Grin* That chat was so much fun! I want to do it again. I’ll try and arrange another one maybe this month or next. A special to Thank You to Shar for staying up late just to do the chat. Another special Thank You to everyone who stopped by and spent my Birthday with me.

My birthday was made all the more special by Jambrea who showed me the book review she did for A Fling in Vampiropolis for Joyfully Reviewed. I was so ecstatic by it. That really helped make my Birthday great.

I got an ice cream cake the next day: cookies and cream ice cream with Devil’s Food Cake. A real ice cream cake! One that isn’t ice cream in the shape of a cake. Man, I want another one. LOL

I know it sounds like a boring Birthday but it was good enough for me. I like the simplicity of it. Not too much expectation which I’m good with. I didn’t go see Wanted like I wanted too. It was opening weekend which would mean dealing with too many people. I am hoping to go to see either Batman: Dark Knight or Hellboy 2 or both. LOL

Movies and TV:

What else can I add? Hmmm . . . nothing more, I don’t think. I’m watching the Twilight Zone, absolutely brilliant. I can understand why they wanted to resurrect the series but, sorry if it doesn’t have Rod Serling, I really can’t bring myself to watch it. The Twilight Zone is classic, brilliant story telling.

Speaking of TV, is anyone watching In Plain Sight? I’m loving that show. I also can’t wait for Burn Notice, Psych and Eureka to come back. I’m starting to enjoy So, You Think You Can Dance and America’s Best Dance Crew.

I’ve seen the trailer they’re running for Heroes next season. I love the series but I was left feeling as if the show is lacking something. Maybe it was adding too many characters or the sudden character shift (Uh, Hiro what about Charlie?). I’m hoping this season makes up for what was missing last season.

I can’t wait for Chuck to come back on air, I love that show. And NCIS, noooo, you can’t do that! OMG! I can’t wait to see what they do with Lost, that finally was just, WOW! Okay, can’t think of any other shows and I think I’ve started babbling. LOL. Later’s guys.

Hugs all around,

Selena


P.S. So what shows are you guys looking forward to seeing this summer or this fall? What are you reading? Any questions for me? *Selena now wonders if she’s opened up a can of worms* I’ll answer them if I can.

Selena

As for the Charity Raffle, we’re waiting on the website to be done and hoping to have it up before Christmas. We keep getting such wonderful donations. I’m still overwhelmed by how many people want to donate things to us. During lunch, Ro and I started talking about the next Raffle and what we wanted to do, this time with two charties that have already been decided. *Grin* I’ll ask Ro if I can tell you more. We’re in the planning stages as we want this to be different than the current one that’s about to start up. But, we did agree that the next Raffle will be in the Spring and that I’ve already come up with a really cool idea.

Also, I’m looking at starting up a contest to help promo The Pink Chair Diaries and it’s authors. This is still in the planning stages, but we’re looking to give away a cute pink travel tote with lots of really cool goodies from both authors of the site and non-authors who despite not writing for us were willing to let us include their promo items, which is wonderful. Like I’ve said, I’m always happy to promo authors. Oh, should I tell you guys who signed on to the Diaries? Sure, here goes the list in alphabetical order:

All Mine

Aurora Black

Dawn Montgomery

Emma Ray Garrett

Jade Buchanan

Kayelle Allen

Mary Winter

Michele Bardsley

Michelle Hasker

Sedonia Guillone

Stella and Audra Price

Tuesday Morrigan

Squee! Now, that’s a lot of talent right there. *Grin* Okay, gotta go. Have a Great Day guys!

Selena

As far as me goes, I’m feeling good, a bit sore from all the walking I’ve been doing lately, I just got the new Pirates movie, but haven’t watched it yet, must write! Need to write, I’m only on Chapter 4 at 3k, I need to write at least 10k, I want to get this story done on Sunday, ambitious but this week has been all over the place for me. Oh, before I forget. Happy Friday!

The Google group is open, just no activity, must plan a party, so what would you guys like to see excerpts, contests, jokes, what? Comment and let me know.

Selena

P.S. The Free Story  is now done, I hope to have a new story ready for you guys soon. Hugs.