I just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful, safe, happy, healthy, prosperous and fun New Year.

Looking back on this last year, I see it’s been a roller coaster ride. Especially the last few months. Emotionally I was all over the place and it didn’t help that my depression had risen to really drag me out. I wasn’t in a really bad place per say but I found myself looking in my mind’s mirror and really examining myself. I found myself not so much in the usual pain that rises up when my depression decides to peek out but I wasn’t completely numb either. I was just?emotionally?exhausted. I could no longer lie to myself and ignore how worn out I was. I wasn’t taking care of myself emotionally the way I should. I let things build up for too long and it all just dragged me down. This wasn’t a normal depression episode where I could have just withdrawn for a day and it would be fine. This lasted for a few months and I needed time to heal, a lot of time to heal and re-examine my actions and other things.

I can say that I’m in a better place now, much better. It helps to have friends who can understand the situation. Empathy can help with the healing process. I’m still relearning how to breathe. I’m not that same eighteen year old who?broke down?and got stuck in her head for five years. I’m older for one thing, lol. And I’ve learned about myself that I didn’t know. It’s a constant process to learn, relearn and remind myself on ways to deal with my depression. I am not my depression. It is an aspect of me. It doesn’t control me if I don’t let it. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay to stop and breathe, take time for me. The world won’t implode but not everyone will understand.

I’ve grown up a lot. I’ve learned a lot. I’m actually happy. Little by little I’m relearning to walk all over again and breathe on my own. I wouldn’t trade any of my experiences to be happier. Without them, these scars I carry on my heart from that breakdown have marked me. I didn?t let the world cave in around me this time I got up and kept going.? Not because I wanted to but because I had to. It?s my life and there are no stunt doubles who will take my place when it all gets too much.

I can say this song helps describe where I?m at now.

For this New Year, I won?t make resolutions. I?ll either forget about them or let them fall by the wayside due to laziness. Instead, I promise myself to take time out for myself ever once in awhile. To work hard and keep pushing myself and my writing and to finally lose my depression weight (which is a challenge cause I love food). I know I can do it. It?s all just like relearning to breathe, slow steps at first but once you get the hang of it, it?s all natural.

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