Please don’t envy me. By the time I’m finished with this post, some of you may wish to send me chocolate or offer to go out for a “girl day.”

I live in a polyamorous household with two men. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Two men, ready, willing, and able to fulfill every woman’s sexual fantasy gets the imagination going. Sure gets mine off to a lovely start.

However, let’s remember that we three can’t spend our lives in bed. There’s work to be done, chores, and –at one point– children to care for. So, let’s have a reality check first before we get to the good stuff.

Work is an interesting proposition. Until recently, Randy and Dante worked at the same factory. They carpooled, of course, but worked in separate areas. Even that was almost too much togetherness. Randy’s our Alpha Male (Yes, one of the males will be dominant) and a right royal grump in the morning. Dante, OTOH, awakens cheerful and talkative. This doesn’t make for a pleasant ride to work in the morning for either of them. It got worse when Dante got a promotion in his department to a supervisory position.

You see, all this Alpha Male/Beta Male stuff is mostly a myth. Males are all Alphas, and they will butt heads like stags in rut ALL THE TIME. Unlike deer, we humans are always in season, and males of all species have a competition thing going. Both want to win, even the male who chooses to be the Beta. One male must choose to be the Beta, or there will be an endless round of conflict.

Dante chose to be the Beta in our relationship. He lets Randy be the dominant, even when it costs him a bit of pride. Let’s give a round of applause to Dante, ladies. Who’s the stronger male? IMHO, Dante wins hands down.

In chores, we operate on a roommate relationship for the most part. However, let’s be realistic, shall we? Who’s the female living with two men? Me. Dante may do his own laundry and clean his own room, but who does the cooking and the cleaning of the main portion of the house? Honey, it’s not the tooth fairy. (Grin)? I do get out of doing the evening dishes, most of the time. The guys do those, mainly because we don’t have a dishwasher in our beloved 50-year-old home. I think they know there’d be a feminine rebellion at that point.

Finances should be better. Well, yes and no. Remember that three adults are just that–three adults. Adults incur debts like car payments and credit cards. We all three have different hobbies, and the necessary expenses caused by those hobbies. The only savings are the same as roommates -food and shelter. Like any other household in America, budget expenses equal the amount of income brought in. We just have the hedge that there’s three of us bringing in the income, so if one loses their job, the other three can cover for him or her long enough to (hopefully) find a new job. It can get ugly, and some luxury services like cable TV can go the way of the dodo, but we do manage to hang on a bit longer.

Okay, let’s get to the good stuff. You want to know about the sex, right? When it’s hot, it’s smoking hot, but we’re back to the Alpha-Beta problem again. Yep, it even invades the bedroom.

I can hear the collective sighs out there. How many of you just envisioned two Alpha Males fighting it out for dominance while the naked female waits in the bed for the winner? Get real. This is the 21^st century. I wait for no man darlings, and neither would you. Do you really want the bloodied up winner, all pumped up with testosterone-laced adrenaline, falling on you like a barbarian? Okay, so some of you might. LOL!

Dominance Wars do not make for a harmonious home, girls. It’s only sexy the first time. After that, arguments and competition ruin the mood because they’re snarling at each other and not paying attention to you. They also don’t remember this is about sex, not testosterone.

So what’s a girl to do if she wants two men in her bed and paying attention to her needs? Why honey, you do more diplomatic dancing than Ginger Rogers ever managed with Fred Astaire! You lead, tease, and cajole until both agree to put aside their differences in exchange for some happy sex where everyone gets off at least once, and preferably more than once. Are we talking a lot of work? Yep.

Is it worth it? Oh, hell yeah! Would three very dominant personalities like Dante, Randy and I all manage to stay together nearly twenty years without the rewards being greater than the problems?

Girls, it’s worth it when I do manage to manipulate them both so perfectly that they eagerly come to bed and we romp until we all three fall asleep exhausted in the king sized bed. Hint: get one of the outside positions or that morning piddle is a screaming emergency by the time you can crawl out of bed without waking them both up. Unless you can levitate, you’d better be acrobatic. And they wonder how I stay in shape as I approach my fiftieth birthday…

Happy imaginings! Oh, wait. You don’t have to. Just read my books. Every m?nage has a kernel of memory inside. See if you can guess what actually happened.

For more on Lena Austin go to her website at: www.lenaaustin.com

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